"P.A. CUPCAKES" ... OR you won't see this on TLC!

I read on YAHoO! a few days ago that the cupcake fad is waning. About time! I never got this fad. Cupcakes are just little cake. WHO WANTS little CAKE? I mean, I consider myself a cake connoisseur. Cake is MY dessert of choice. Not really cookies, pies, ice cream or even … yes get ready to feel the earth shake …. Cheesecake. Oh, don’t get me wrong I’ll eat all that stuff but, I’m really hoping for a 2 inch slice of 4 layer cake with an inch of icing on top.

Yesterday, I went to two picnics and I thought what could I make. You guessed it ….. if the fad is hitting the skids I’ll make sure it goes out with a bang! Now to start I couldn’t just buy 1 box of cake mix. I bought 3 PLUS 8 container of icing …. Yes 8! That is NOT a typo. I found out early that a can of icing only covers 10 cupcakes iced gourmet style …... a bag of toffee pieces, instant coffee packs, colored sugar, confectioners sugar, cream cheese, chili laced chocolate bar, gourmet chili pepper, mandarin oranges, sliced almonds, food coloring, peanut butter, raspberry fruit preserves, and flavoring extracts. I mean isn’t the many varieties you can create part of the craze? So, between two days, and 10 hours …. including the shopping for the ingredients …. I created:

• Red Velvet & Cream Cheese


• Chocolate & Chocolate


• Espresso & Toffee


• Vanilla & Peanut Butter


• Vanilla & Orange


• Sunset Red Velvet & Orange


• Vanilla & Chocolate


• Almond & Raspberry


• South American Hot Chocolate

…. Now I really hate this fad! But to my surprise when I brought these confections to my two events everyone swarmed over them like I just set down a platter of jewels and said help yourself. I think the fad is still going strong YAHoO! Me on the other hand, am officially over it!

IRRATATING CRAP MY HUSBAND DOES …. OR how he plans to collect my insurance policy …. A WORKING TITLE …..

Its almost eight months now since my husband rear-ended a car in front of us. The airbag prematurely deployed and broke both bones ….. in half …. in my right forearm. SO, there I was …. The Martha Stewart of PA … with a broken hand/arm 2 weeks before Christmas! Picture this: instead of Rockefeller Center it was Dan an Roseanne Conner’s hovel! I wasn’t happy BUT ….. Did I blame him? … Did I scream at him for this unnecessary grief …. Did I put arsenic in his chocolate chip cookies? … that I still made by the way …. NO …. I was THE model of constraint! That is until yesterday ………….
THE PRELUDE ……. Since the accident, if I’m in the car with him, I admit I have been critical of his driving …. slow down! …. You just rolled through that stop sign ….. you are following too close …. You just cut that guy off …. You are driving in the middle of the road …. Oh, its not like any of this is new. He has been driving this way since I met him …. I just never said anything! Two days ago he was literally a couple of feet away from having the passenger side hit ….. I was the passenger and YES we have side air bags …… all so he could cut in front of a car and be first.
THE INTERLUDE ….. Yesterday, he cut across a yellow line … there were 3 lanes on the other side, 2 turning one straight ….. just beside a car going the OPPOSITE direction …. Who was probably thinking what an ASSHOLE …… ALL so he could make a left turn into McDonald’s. Since I almost got killed for a BIG MAC, I could not let it go and said: “Look at this! Now he is crossing double yellow lines!”. He lost it! He started screaming at me that I had to stop it! He turned out of McDonald’s and started speeding home. At the first red light he stopped. I got out of the car ….. I did not care how far I was from home …. Or the fact I had thongs on, ouch! …. or how busy the road was, I’d show him I was the master of my own destiny and my next broken limbs! He sped off. Oh, he did come back for me but, in true “drama Queen” style I would not get back in the car. That’s right …. on a busy suburban residential street we had a screaming match as he drove by trying to get me in … fun times! I finally got in … NOTE to self: Do not try to walk 2 miles in thongs ….. the ride home was chilly and it wasn’t the AC!
THE FINALTUDE ….. If you invite us anywhere make sure there is enough parking for our TWO cars. I’m flying solo from now on!

DO BEARS EAT THEIR YOUNG?

WHAAAAT?!?!? I think the real story here is not the fact they got RE-engaged. They’re young and they’re obviously stupid …. as the oh-so- true saying goes ….. Bristol seemed to have it more together than her “Baby Daddy” with her "abstinence" .... how's that going for ya by the way .... message tour and all. So how does a girl … she is still 19 …. with a seemly bright future of 15 more minutes of fame ahead of her, get re-engaged to her unemployed High School drop-out dated Kathy Griffin .... no offense to Kathy ..... who told the world her mother referred to her infant brother as “my retarded baby” EX-flame? Well, like I said in the beginning young and stupid isn’t the real story. The real story is how do you inform your self described “grizzly bear” … or is it a moose? Its some Alaskan animal she's hunted down … of a mother, you are marrying this guy? Why you announce it in OK magazine of course!!! UH DUH!

THE WEEKEND WRAP-UP

Ho Hum … I haven't written anything all week …… what to write about, what to write about …. I could snark about Lindsay’s jail sentence ... Tee hee hee hee … okay done! …. Tell you how sweltering I am in this heat wave ….. drip drip drip ………. Re-hash the latest on the exploits of Casey Anthony ... I can't wait till that trial starts and the state of Florida fries your ass. I knew there were reasons to like Florida! ..... I could bitch about everything BP should be doing … Oh yes that reminds me :

Text: “wildlife” to 20222.

I could talk about work …. Let’s see

Tuesday, 1 a-hole contractor told my inspector (who was asking the contractor why he did not show up to begin his work that day) he had a gun in his car and he hasn’t used it for a while ….. he is forbidden on site now.

Wednesday, I got a called from a irate urbanite commuter demanding that I close down my road project immediately and reopen all lanes because it is making him late for work ….. Aaahhhh its called protecting MY road crews and the general public from morons like you who neglected to plan ahead and …oh I don’t know …. leave earlier!

Friday, MY consultant (who works for me!!!!!) asked me to take meeting notes … seriously in my male congested profession there are some who still think I’m the F’ing secretary …….. AND you thought I was going to get all technical on my work rant didn’t you?

HAPPY 4TH TO ALL MY FELLOW SUBJECTS ......

Happy Independence Day! Okay, so we found out this week Thomas Jefferson made a little itsy bitsy mistake on one of the famous icons of freedom ..… it happens! But before ya get your patriotic drum a strummin’ tomorrow, let’s talk what REALLY took place in the summer of 1776 ….. WARNING: Reading further you about to have another American myth blow out of the water! I'm a stickler (i.e, nit-picker, annoying, control freak) for the facts, that’s why I’m here …… The Second Continental Congress actually voted to declare independence on July 2nd, 1776 … that’s right you should have had that day off, eaten that burnt hot dog and watched fireworks yesterday …….

Even John Adams wrote to his wife on July 3, 1776:

“The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more.” See Wikipedia.

On July 4th, the final wording of the Declaration of Independence document was approved and sent off to the printer. A carefully hand written version was produced and the famous signing with John Hancock exclaiming: “There, I guess King George will be able to read that!” …. Ahh another myth for another day …….. most likely took place on August 2, 1776.

Ironically, the July 4th signing myth became so encroached in American folklore that John Adams and Thomas Jefferson in their later years forgot what day they signed it and believe the 4th. Maybe promoting the myth even more? They both died the same day: July 4th, 1826 .... the myth's 50th anniversary.

IT'S NOT QUITE THE JETSON'S ......

The "Transition" from Terrafugia ... a privately owned company ... promises ... and I quote:

"Every pilot faces uncertain weather, rising costs, and ground transportation hassles on each end of the flight. The Transition® combines the unique convenience of being able to fold its wings with the ability to drive on any surface road in a modern personal airplane platform. Stowing the wings for road use and deploying them for flight at the airport is activated from inside the cockpit. .... and ending with my favorite summation ...... This unique functionality addresses head-on the issues faced by today’s Private and Sport Pilots."

Exactly how many "Private and Sports Pilots" are there? What a crock of overpriced marketing effort! Let's face it, this "personal airplane platform" is not for us common folk. Its for the special people of the world who have more money ...like $194,000 ... than they know what to do with and need ..... ah, errr .... or shall I say desire a new TOY!

Let's examine this "marvel":

• It seats 2 ... yes ... that's TWO. Let's do the math: that's the pilot and 1 other person ...... more than 1 is a party, right?


• The convenient cargo area holds skis, fishing poles or golf clubs ... oh that's where the sports come in. I need this thing to play golf! .... You use this to "fly" over that rush hour traffic to the club house or lake. Don't stay over night though there was no room for the suitcase.


• As a "Sports" pilot you are only required 20 hours training to fly over people's head. How comforting.


• You still need a 1700' runway to take off from. BUT, if the weather is bad you can't fly just drive the thing. Let's see you drive it to the runway, a thunderstorm moves in, you then have to drive anyways. I can see the convenience!!!!


• It cruises at 115 mph. I do that on the Interstate in my Kia!


• It gets 23 miles to the gallon ... oh wait so does my Kia!

Then there are the promises/info they don't say:

• How environmentally friendly is the "Transition"? Is it more harm than good?


• How far above the ground/altitude does it fly? I see many a potential accident into utility lines maybe?


• Who services this thing? My on staff flight crew that lives in my garage now?


• Where do I take off from. Do I need my own specialty runway or will the airport where small private jets fly into/out of let me use theirs?

All I know is, I've been promised the Jetson's lifestyle since I was 10. My house is still on the ground, my Kia is not jet propelled, my computer is not doing the cooking and there is no "Rosie" the robot cleaning my house. Ho HUM ...... I guess it has to start somewhere.

THE FIRST SWASHBUCKLER TO STEAL MY HEART ...

Yes ... There was a swashbuckler I swooned for before Johnny Depp ever donned a pirate swagger ..... ERROL FLYNN .... I knew Errol Flynn's birthday was Father's Day and I meant to post it! Better late blah blah ....................

In my Happy B-day post to Johnny, I noted that over the shoulder pose that made my heart go pitty pat. I now know why! ..... I'm a sucker for a swashbuckler you see ...... I was at least 10 years old when I saw Errol ... as Robin Hood .... swing across my TV set and say: "Welcome to Sherwood!" in that jovial sarcastic wit. He instantly became my first movie idol but unfortunately I would need a time machine to meet him ... Ho Hum ............ maybe its why I don't drool much over the living idols, my true star struck meeting will never be!

"I do what I like."

I read his autobiography, "My Wicked Wicked Ways", in my late teens and found his was born in Tasmania ... I always thought it was a made up place where cartooned devils were said to live. Damm those Buggs Bunny cartoons were more educational than I thought! ........ oh and he was a little wicked too!

One of his first roles was Fletcher Christian whom Flynn is ironically the great-great-great-great-grandson of.

"It isn't what they say about you it's what they whisper."

The saying "In like Flynn" was coined after him referring to his acquittal in a statutory rape trial.

"Women won't let me stay single, and I won't let myself stay married."

His favorite and most often cast with actress in early movies .... 9 times .... was Olivia de Havilland ... who also admits to having been in love with him and he admits he with her by their second movie ....... but love never went beyond the screen.

His favorite side kick was Alan Hale. Yes, that would be the father of Alan "the skipper" Hale of Gillian's Island fame.

Flynn was rumored to be nominated ... and had been initially announced where he was interviewed on his nomination ...... for an Academy Award for his role in "The Sun Also Rises". The nomination simply just disappeared.

"My job is to defy normal."

Errol Flynn was a self described adventurer before stardom, did most of his own stunts in movies, a womanizer, had malaria, tuberculous, Buerger's disease, an alcholic in liver failure, a chain smoker with thrombosis, 4F because of his weak heart, considered Fidel Castro a close friend and when he died in 1959 at age 50 he had a 17 year old mistress that traveled the world with him on his beloved yacht. The autopsy revealed he had the insides of a 75 year old.

last words: "I've had a hell of a lot of fun and I enjoyed every minute of it."

HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!!

I'm taking my Daddy and my God of Organization .....aka, husband ...... out to an early dinner. Hope your "daddy" has a nice day with you too!

Let's play "WHERE IN THE WORLD IS JORAN SAN DER SLAGO" >>>>>>>

Aaaaaaaaa ... NOPE .... one sociopath suspected serial killer still in a Peruvian jail cell ................ not much of a game anymore!

Let's just recap his travels from recent previous episodes:

• Holland - January/Feb 2008 - throws glass of wine in face of Crime reporter on TV for calling him a liar. Same reporter catches him on tape admitting to being present at Natalie Holloway's death and dumping body at sea.
• Bangkok, Thailand - 2008 Attends University, drops out, buys coffee shop, accused of selling Thai women to prostitution ring, fails at selling coffee.
• Macau 2009 - At Texas Hold 'em Tournament .... after claiming he is now a professional gambler by trade .... brazenly tells people who he is when they don't recognize him.
• Aruba - February 2010 - Attends Father's .... and allege accomplice in murder cover-up in 2005 ..... funeral.
• Aruba - early May 2010 - meets with FBI for $25,000 partial extortion payment. Admits to killing Holloway and burying body with the help of father
• Bogota, Columbia - Spring 2010 - Two women disappear at the same time Joran is staying/frequenting the same Casinos and where he was seen with them both.
• Lima Peru - late May 2010 - telling casino employees he is trawling for women, gambling, losing, drinking, can't pay hotel bill, tries to con money out of former girlfriend in Aruba via text, meets, kills and robs Stephany Flores Ramirez, flees country ..... He's not in Aruba anymore ....
• Chile - June 2010- Arrested and claims 2 bandits robbed and killed Flores in his hotel room ... too bad, so sad, he was unaware of the hotel's video camera
• Peru - June 2010 - caged in famed prison sharing cell with his new "girlfriend" a Colombian assassin.

At some point he traveled back to Europe, other parts of South America and Asia ... but I missed those episodes.

STUPIO "IRRITATING CRAP MY HUSBANO OoES!" .... a working title

Can you tell? My 4th letter of the alphabet key is broken. Guess by who?

Now I am going to have to try & type wor .... ahh .... errr ...... sentences without that letter. This will be interesting ....... Two weeks ago the GO or LOR ...okay the MASTER of Organization spills water into the thing with the keys, knows it will not work & was trying to fool everyone by not warning them .... trying to make us think we broke it .... However, the towel for your phalanges from my bathroom, beneath the key thingy is what gave me the tip off! So, he fesses up & we go key thingy shopping the next afternoon.

First, he tries to get me to pay for it .... its a little game he likes to play at the cash register to see who gets out the money first. He unfortunately won this time ....... I chose the item & walkie' out the entrance of the store to the car not wanting to play. Tonight he shows me the "4th letter of the alphabet" key & says "FIX". I say , "Why, I'm taking it back. We just bought it." Master of Organization tells me we can't ... he threw away the receipt!!!!!!! WTF?????? Master has receipts from the house painting from like 8 years ago. He has the receipt from the washer & thingy that blows air on your clothes "set" we bought 6 years ago, the receipt from when we bought the computer 3 years ago, etc .... you get the picture ... but he throws away a receipt from something he buys 2 weeks ago?!?!?!?

I know how to get even! I'll tell him about the $250.00 purse I bought tonight. Afterall, I'm not saving money for computer accessories.

DON'T FORGET THE GULF WILDLIFE

Text "WILDLIFE" to 20222.

You will see a $10 donation added to your phone bill everytime you send it. You can do up to five times.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHNNY .....

I 've hardly EVER been overwhelmingly star struck by a movie star. Never had the urge to join a fan club. Never was such an urber fan crazed psycho that I would faint at the sight of any celebrity. As a matter of fact, there are very few movie stars that I would go out of my way for to go see their movie. Johnny Depp, however, is the exception ..... there are always some.

I did not even realize I was fan till that one certain nonchalant glance over his pirate costumed shoulder. I can not firgue out what it is about that pose but he had me at Yo Ho Matey!

Happy 47th Birthday Johnny!!! You are only getting better!

HELP THEM ... God can only do so much. We already know BP is incapable!

This morning I saw on television BP CEO Tony Hayward and his latest attempt at good PR. He looked out at the American public during his paid face time and said BP takes full responsibility … how blessed of you! …… and they are going to make everything right …….

HOW DO YOU MAKE THIS RIGHT ?

You plan on resuscitating these dead and dying animals do you .... Tony?

For those of you that can you can donate to the efforts of helping these defenseless creatures by texting "WILDLIFE" to 20222 or if you live near or are planning to spend time in the area click here and here for volunteer information.

Van der Sloot wanted by Interpol

According to the Associated Press Joran Vander Sloot is currently being sought by Interpol with a warrant for his arrest in connection with a murder of a woman in Peru on May 30. May 30 is also the five year anniversary of his involvement in Natalie Hollaway disappearance in Aruba.

Van der Sloot is suspected of fleeing Peru by land into Chile. Stay tune ..........

Happy Birthday Norma Jean

After all these years she is still in the news ... this past week for some unpublished photos with JFK .... The eternal epitome of sexy. Having the measurements of 37C-24-35 earned her the first cover of Playboy .... Hugh Hefner actually also owns the burial vault next to her. Her beauty regime included Nivea cream and jogging. She had an IQ of 168. Through her father she is related to seven U.S. presidents. When Veronica Hamel and her husband bought Monroe's house in 1972, they found "standard issued FBI" bugging devices all through it when they remodeled.

Although her movie career was practically over and she was gone before I could realize who she was and the timeless icon she was to become, I always thought of her as a comedic actress. That is until I saw Bus Stop. I will always remember her as vulnerable romantic Cherie.

There will never be another Marilyn.