HAPPY BIRTHDAY BERNADETTE!

64 AND STILL ROCKIN' THE BOD! I always wanted to rock that hair! Singer, Actress, writer she is one of the few that transcends Stage, Screen and TV. The first time I saw her was in the TV special "Once Upon a Mattress" 1972.

• "IT" girl of the '70's and '80's
• She is of Italian decent
• As an attempt to rid herself of the ethic sounding name of Lazzara .... as it was frown upon in the 60's when she started ....... Peter(s) was her father's first name
• Dated .... or rumored to have "dated" .... Steve Martin, Warren Beatty (no surprise he's on everyone's list) and Clint Eastwood.
• Appeared in Playboy ... see the pic above .... but covered in Bob Mackie lingerie!!!

IRRITAGING CRAP MY HUSBAND DOES ……. Or THE FAST way BACK TO THE FUTURE ...a working title

Its time for a GOO tale. I’ve been saving this because I never write angry … yeah right.

A few weekends back we picked up Daddy and thought we would take him to Breakfast …. Hint hint bros and sis ….. On the way we drove through the County Park. We drive through this park at least once a week. On the main road of the park is a roundabout of sorts. Once GOO pulled out of his intersecting street and halfway thru the circle he spied a snow pile and then …. SUDDENLY .... he time warped in to a revelation he was 10 years old again!

There he was with head full of brown hair and adolescent disobedience. A 10 year old, with more athletic talent beyond his hero’s ….. Willie Stargell. All this combined with his shiny KIA sled with 4 new expensive rubber bumpers he saved up for. With ardent ambition to show-off and impress the pretty little blonde hair girl next door, he swooshed his sled across the Bering curve in the road, swiftly avoiding the obstacles of the other “sledders” and crashed into the enormous snow pile only to

… KER-KLUUUUNK!!!

It was 2012 again !!! Wait … The pretty little blonde is .... uuummmm ….. matured but .... not looking to happy. “What was that?” the boy from the past said. Blondie replied,”I think you hit the CURB!” ….. “you MORON” she said in her head. Daddy in the car remember? …………………….

A few minutes down the road the car passengers hear THIIIISSSSUMP BUUUMP BUUMP BUMP BUUMP BUUMP The kid all grown-up says “What is that?”. Blondie replied,”I think you have a FLAT!” ….. “You absolute MORON … plus a few other things ”, she said in her head. DADDY!!! ……

From a cold and frigid, "closed on Sundays", neighborhood strip mall parking lot the blonde girl SUDDENLY is whisked into the future by 2 hours and finds herself home with the man who just put a slice in the side of her $200 tire. She was feeling all the decades of bitch!

Ho Hum …. still trying to stay on my New Year’s resolution of lose weight, exercise more or at the very least ….. eat better! So far, after 1 -1/2 months we have Weight loss: 2 lbs … better than gaining I guess ... joined a gym … started out at 5 times now I’m down to paltry 1-2 times a week … I’m headed there now.

We came back from shopping a little while ago and I bought my new "try-it" veggie: Swiss Chard. Saw it on the info screen that flashes nutritional information while I was on the treadmill at the gym … Yeah, yeah I’m going ……. I‘ve heard of it before but I don’t know what I’m going to do with it. But, hey the info board says it is really really really nutritional!!! Actually THE healthiest veggie out there …. I'll let you know about that when I figure out what it is going to go with … or in …. or by itself … with spices ... its pretty ... maybe it will look good in vase?

I'm sorry ... but who would watch this? Whitney Houston was one of the greatest singers and undoubtly will join the other "gone before their time" legends but, I do not want to watch her funeral .... on my computer/TV no less! Did not want to see her leave this earth the way she did but please can someone explain wanting to watch her family suffer her loss via video stream ... or for that matter her family agreeing to it?

Warning … NOT JUST FOR THE KIDS ANYMORE

Okay here is something "silly" but, true. So be warned .… I burned my face. A second degree burn with a blister, no less. Don’t worry I’m not terribly marred for life, the mark is about a 1/8” round … pimple size if you will. How did I do such a stupid thing? I was lighting a candle. The matches I used were those boxed stick matches you see at check-out. Never had issue before but we bought the larger, longer, sturdier ones apparently. They were out of them at Christmas time so we bought the shorter ones …. STAY AWAY FROM THEM …. They are very flimsy, both the sulfur tip and the wooden part. My “accidents” with them have been:

• · On lighting the fireplace. The wood stick broke in half 3 different times burn my hand, shirt and started some pine branch needles ... that I was going to use for kindling ... on fire ... before I got them on the fire!
• · Lit a (different) candle. I watched the sulfur tip fly back and land on the rug. You guessed it … burn my rug!!!

The last straw was when I was lighting a candle in the bathroom before company arrived. Sulfur tip flew back at me, landed and stuck on my cheek .... OUCH!!!! ... could not get it off fast enough before the damage was done. Finally threw the dozen pack away. I can’t even blame China … they were made in the USA!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLAYTON

LOOOK AT HIMMM! Our adorable puppy is NINE years old today.

GOO drove 10 miles to the closest Baskin & Robbins to buy him a birthday cake for later. YES we are truly crazy dog people !!

MORE CONGENIAL COMMENTS FROM THE WORLD OF FASHION

NO this not about Gisele sticking her other Yeti sized foot in her mouth ..... but from the world that revolves around Karl Lagerfeld who says Adele is "a little too fat". Weellll, Karl should know all about getting rid of a little fat. Nine years ago he lost 92 lbs ......... that would be Karl in 2002 on the left and the 2012 svelte Karl on the right ........ Hmmmmmmm ..... on second thought Adele if your alternative is the look on the right maybe you need to stay just the way you are ....

DEAR GOD, BLESS THE UNBLESSED ... WILL YA!!

Its SUPERBOWL day .... yawn! ..... and the biggest news story I've heard all week is that Gisele Bundchen stuck her size 11's in her mouth again! Oh yes! ... please please please ... pray for Tom Brady to get another $100K Superbowl ring. Seriously!?!?!?!

Okay, so the world let Gisele know now that GOD has better things to do than dole out additional unnecessary blessings to the more than they deserve already blessed. Which come to think of it ... I'm gonna get a little "catty" here ..... the Bundchen supermodel career is a life learning testament to all those so-called 6 foot "ugly ducklings" out there suffering in high school land. Did you ever take a good look at Gisele. This is no "jaw dropping beauty" ... as I often see her touted ... she is pretty plain Jane, maybe even ... dare I say it ... kinda homely! Do you really think a high school Tom Brady ... undoubtly the school's Mr. popular .... would have even taken a second look at her then. HELL NO!!!! ..... I guarantee he was dating the prettiest petite blonde cheerleader with the biggest boobs and roundest camel butt.

So with that I say to Gisele .... GOD has already blessed you with an over rated fruitful career, an NFL superstar to snuggle up to at night, enough money to bail out Greece and has enabled you to cast some spell over shorter men who look up and see an average girl as some sort of goddess ..... must be those Victoria Secret wings she prances around in. Indeed, Gisele is proof there is hope for the rest of us .... although being 6 foot and 120 lbs may help too.

Photo credit: Joe Kohen/Getty