IRRITATING CRAP MY HUSBAND DOES ... or the man who doesn't know the words to the "Twevle Days of Christmas" ... a working title

My husband  …. God Of Organization …… does nothing when it comes to putting up the Christmas decorations. It is all on me, even the outside lights ……. every other husband’s territory! Oh he will give his opinions ….. not enough lights on that side of the yard …… that looks stupid ….. I don’t like all white lights ….. is that all the lights you are putting up/ have? I tell him every year those who do not help with the decorations HAVE NO OPINION on what goes up …. The "putter-upper" is the decider.

We have a flat landscaped area in our yard that I use for main displays. In past years it has had giant candy canes, a lighted tree .... okay it was lights I strung up to look like a tree .... and lighted grapevine shaped gifts stacked with a bow. The recent gift display always blew over and were a pain in the ass to put together. I decided to donated them to Goodwill ….. I know how generous of me.  Now I had that empty place in the yard and went shopping for a new lighted display.

I hate those blow-up things so, once you eliminate those there isn’t much left out there. My preferred tastes are kind of more “Williamsburg”-ie. I was looking for "1776" and tasteful. Of course,  there is the lighted deer, Eiffel Tower … yes nothing says Christmas like a random French structure …. Snowmen and snowflakes. Then I saw these lighted geese …. Oh I didn’t buy them …… a little more comical than Colonial ….. but it gave me idea as I left the store humming “six geese a laying” …..

I went home to start my search for more real-life looking geese. When I got to my computer I Google’d “lifesize goose decoration” …... up popped DECOYS!!!! I could buy them sitting, standing, eating and of course laying! I ordered one that had detachable feet to stand or lay …. Perfect!

It arrived by FedEX about four days later. Goo thinking it maybe his Christmas present restrained himself from opening the box and announced to me when I got home from work that I had a delivery he left in the basement. Since I did not want any un-necessary comments on my new found prized decoration, I waited till Goo went upstairs to watch TV in bed. When I got my goose decoy out of the box, I was so excited I put him …. I assumed it’s a him … outside in the landscape with a spotlight under the cover of darkness.  I figured I would find a bow to put around his neck and some lighted branch accessories tomorrow.

The next day at work I got a text message from GOO ….. “Where did that goose come from?”. I responded that it was the item in the FedEX delivery. To which he responded ……. “Well, I thought it was REAL and I tried to chase it out of the yard! When it wouldn't move I got closer to it and saw it was fake! “   My co-workers heard shrieks of laughter coming from my office and I filled them in. However, after that no work was accomplished that day. 

The moral of this GOO Christmas tale is:  

GEESE NEED TO DO THEIR A-LAYING SOMEWHERE ELSE!