Welcome to the Equator ….. or as my family likes to call it HOME! With
the advance of the cold weather season, my house has been progressively getting
hotter. It started around October, …. a time of year for moderate temperatures
across the rest of the northern hemisphere ……. a time when the AC is officially done and the furnace has yet to be turned on.
However, in my household I found we were testing
that furnace whenever possible for expected onslaught of winter.
There were crisp Fall days when I came home from work and
discovered the longer I was in the house the more I was sensing a “funny feeling” starting
to well up. Now when you’re over 50 and
somewhat pre-menopausal, “funny feelings” stir nothing but self-induced panic thinking you’re about to have a heart attack. So, you start self-medicating in case the
paramedics don’t get there in time by quickly chewing an aspirin ….. Tip: I
read if you chew the aspirin instead of just swallowing it gets the Heart
attack preventive benefits into the blood stream quicker (and you thought this
blog was just all snark!) …….. and drinking
a gallon of water in case it’s just dehydration …. Oh and running the vacuum, spraying
the Fabreeze and loading the dishwasher cause you don’t the Paramedics to think
you’re a pig …… With my head spinning and my neck and wrists still
sweating for some reason I checked the thermostat …… it
was on 73!!!!!! 73 !!!! It was only 65
outside !!! In Pennsylvania that’s balmy!
The past four months in this house it has continued to be more
of the same. I feel an ER visit and find the thermostat on 75 !!!!! ….. with a record 78 being the highest I have
found it on. GOO? … oh he has retreated
to the upstairs …. Where heat rises to …. before I get home each night to do
his medical care and watch TV.
A few nights ago, after being home for a few hours and
having adjusted the thermostat to where usual mortals breathe and survive, I thought
it safe to venture into the upstair roasting sanctuary to clean a few things before TV
primetime …... unfortunately it was a
little too soon. In addition, to my ever running furnace while I am at work, unbeknownst
to me there are also 2 space heaters …. 1 in my bedroom and 1 in the GOO office
……. doing overtime! Usually as I am climbing the stairs, I
normally feel a slight temperature adjustment but, this time it was a
hemisphere adjustment. In a matter of
seconds it felt as though I went through some invisible space-time continuum from
Siberia to the Amazon rainforest. A few times,
I had to shake my head as though I thought I saw a mirage of the heat waves
rising from the ground of the Serengeti with Giraffes passing by. I got as far as scrubbing the toilet and
bathroom sink to where my pulse was racing and my forehead was starting to form
droplets. Breathing heavily, I announced to
the GOO man …… comfortably lounging on
the bed watching the MYTV network …” I can’t take it anymore!!! I’m going downstairs!”.
I beelined for the thermostat as soon as
my feet hit the hardwood in the downstairs entryway with mind telling me it
must be time for the AC!!! Cooler heads ….
literally …. prevailed in the seconds from the staircase to the thermostat as
my body felt instant relief in the 70 deg living room. In a state nearing an almost heat
stroke however, I hit the thermostat button till it said 67!
Upstairs nearing the equator where I was in the state of perpetual
perspiration, I swear I thought I could hear the GOO say ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
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I am not a prudey girl but, keep it somewhat clean. Of course, stay on topic unless, "DUH", it is an OPEN post. No threats or disparaging remarks to those that disagree with you. Silly and redundant comments going to a place where the post was not intended will be deleted. Good old "Common Sense" is always welcome! If you are having trouble defining Common Sense then maybe this is not the place for YOU!