THE HYPOCRITE’S GUIDE TO HEALTHY

I admit it.  I tumbled off the wagon ........ a bit .... the last few ..err.. weeks ...ummm..... OKAY it was the MONTH .... THE MONTH .... THE WHOLE MONTH of July! Oh ..... and maybe part of August TOO!!! But I'm baaaack to that diet. Thankfully, I did not gain. As of this morning it is official .... I LOST 20 LBS !!!!!

WHAT I REALIZED WORKED FOR ME: Don't limit yourself to starting your diet on MONDAYs. Only starting on MONDAYS = FAILURE. If you don't make it through the day you have given yourself a whole 'nother week to stay fat.

I "start" a new diet everyday, I'm bound to stay on it all day on one of those days!

BINGO UPDATE !!!

Bingo's "owner" showed up ....... finally after 5 DAYS ..... . with a plan of some sort apparently.

The plan? Show up at the VET’S office as an indignant screaming white trash banshee ….with outfit and face paint to match ….. , acting out for the clients in the waiting room that SHE is the injured-party of this conniving VET who is out to extort money from her for unnecessary medical care given to her dog. Yea he's faking that broken leg there ..... They did not get permission from her to treat her animal. SO uuuummmm aaahh ... Banshee ...... when you woke up out of either your liquored up or drug induced stupor ....  that apparently lasted FIVE DAYS ...... this was best ploy your small impaired mind came up with to NOT pay the VET bill?

When she found out daughter .... who happen to be there when the banshee arrived ..... saved her dog from the street and brought the dog there ..... NOoooooo ...... Thank YOU wasn't what she had in mind ....... she yelled she was going to have her arrested for .... wait for it ..... kidnapping!!

Needless to say police were called. Police said you are not getting the dog white trash banshee. Police made her leave empty handed.
Lesson learned today: Banshees who abandon their dog for five days do not have the police on their side. 

Nor are the police on their side when they show up the next day .... knowing there is a transfer to the shelter ..... to prevent the dog going to the care shelter. Especially, when are screaming you want the person who saved your dog arrested as you luge for her and grab on to her.
Lesson learned that day: Those actions do not get banshees dogs. It gets them a set of handcuffs and a free ride to jail. I have a feeling she has been there before .........

  

I "C" HORRIBLE PEOPLE

Five days ago youngest daughter witnessed and had to get out of the car to saved a dog that was hit by a vehicle on a busy State Route ....... 4 lanes with added turning lanes where every driver thinks they are going slow if they are doing 60 ......   The small dog would have been hit again and as my strong minded daughter step in front of cars to stop them they angrily honked and screamed at her.  Fortunately for the dog she scoped him up and took him to our VET. Youngest talks of becoming a VET tech and has interned in a VET office .... she had to help with operations and gagged up whatever the first few times afterward ......  so, she is used to seeing animals hurt. This pooch got himself a broken leg out of his adventure.

The scuffy little dog .... not him in the pic by the way .... had a collar with a name .... BINGO .... and the phone number of the owner. Youngest visits her rescue everyday .... and he wags his tail and looks happy to C her ..... since she took him to our VET. The VET's office staff told her they have been calling the owner 4-5 times a day and left messages as to what happened to and how their pet is. NO RESPONSE. This is where I would normally rant but you are probably already doing that so .... I will save my energy!

Of course, daughter wants to adopt him BUT we have an old pooch that would never put up with a newbie. The VET has made arrangements to send BINGO to a local organization "no kill" shelter called ANIMALS FRIENDS. There he will have a better chance of having someone that really wants him and take him home instead of the scum bags he obviously ran away from!

I'd like to get my hands on that collar phone number!

Never a DULL Moment.......

Don't you just love the headlines from London!

The heart tuggers:

DOUBLE AMPUTEE MAKES SEMIFINALS - Oscar Pistorius ... or by the nickname Blade Runner .... lost both legs as a child but has always been an athlete.  Is it a little too "6 Million Dollar Man" and an unfair advantage ? ..... the future will tell.

QATAR'S FIRST EVER FEMALE OLYMPIC ATHLETE PULLS HAMSTRING AT STARTING BLOCK - It is a religious thing that females are/were not permitted to compete in sports in Qatar. What changed their minds? Qatar wants to host the 2024 Olympics. Olympic committee said "not a chance in hell, with your antiquated views on the place of women in your society" ...... okay roughly what they said.  SO, .... suddenly ..... Qatar is allowing women in sports  .... hmmmm may be it wasn't done for such "religious " reasons after all!!!




The Things I didn't need to know:

ST. KITTS/NEVIS ATHLETE SENT HOME - don't shed any tears for this moron ..... He couldn't follow the simple rules of his team officials: NO ONE IS TO LEAVE THE ATHLETE VILLAGE PERIOD. Simple enough you would think, except  for this arrogant bastard left anyways. NOT for a few minutes, not for a few hours .... DAYS .... DAYS!!!!! Where was he? In a London hotel 'GITTIN' SOME' from his wife ..... SSSSSERIOUSLY ???? I don't feel sorry for you. You were there probably on your Country's dime, expected to medal in a once in lifetime international stage and you can't keep it in your pants for 2 weeks ???? GO HOME .... you are now officially a loser on the international stage ..... AND I've been to Nevis/ ST Kitts it  ain't all that ..... now you have to stay there and git all you want 'cause now you have the time.

RYAN LOCHTE PEES IN POOL - Sigh ..... AND tell me which one of them hasn't that might be the bigger news .... You wait 4 years to write reports from the Summer Olympics. This is your lead story? .... good luck on your writing career !

THE DRAMA BEGINS ......

aHHHHH ..... the Olympics begin this weekend ....... Of course when I say drama, I don't mean the nail bitter moments before Michael Phelps is 1/100th of a second in front of the competition for his 700th Gold Medal. I'm talking the catty stuff, the diva attitude, national embarrassment .... i.e.,CHINA having the "pretty" girl lipsync the "homely" girl's song in the opening ceremonies .....  poor sportsmanship comments,  the expected winners losing, Doping and cheating, ..... suspected underage gymnasts. Who was that again ..hmmm ... oh yea CHINA ....  unexpected triumphs and tragedy .... there is always that one guy that misses the bus to the arena. You waited 4 yrs for this chance and YOU MISS THE BUS!!! ....

Of course,  the drama began before the games. All over these opening ceremony uniforms by Ralph Lauren.  eeeegh ... they're okay but what the hell is up with that skirt???? Ralph even I can tell there is something wrong with the proportions!!! Sheeeesh .... I thought you were a designer with an eye .... Then we have Berets ... berets???? .... what is American about a Beret????  There were better choices out here Ralph ... a designer baseball cap would have been better. Yes Ralph,  baseball,  you know .... it is what some of your millionaire clients do for a living. It's America's sport .... well no it isn't probably football is but I digress ......  Just to top off allllll the wrong ...... Ralph tries to save a buck and has them made in CHINA!!!!!  Well .....  maybe that explains the ill-fitted skirt ......

I WANNA GO THERE ......

There is Havasu Falls in Arizona .... that could be me in that turquoise water! Arizona I can do that!!! Let me see... let me see ..... where is the closest airport to this place. Oh .... in the Grand Canyon area ... hmmm okay well I guess that would be Vegas or Phoenix ..... rent a car and drive to SUPAI??? where is that exactly ... scratch head ..... on the west side of Grand Canyon. What's over there? I thought the touristy stuff was north and south rims? .... Oh wait now, Wikipedia says its the capital of the Havasupai Indian Tribe Reservation .... hey sounds like a world of new cultural experiences to me ..... Oh, look there is a lodge on the reservation .... now all I have to do to get there is drive to the end of the trail head and  ..... HIKE 8 MILES FROM THE NEAREST ROAD .... what? ... oh wait there are other options. OR .... ride a pack mule or rent a helicopper .... OH ....... is that all? Oh no? Of course, the falls are another 2 mile hike from lodge .... hhhhaaaahhhhhhhh ..... my husband will leave me after this trip ...... hmmmmm ! That could me in that turquoise water!

Ahhhhhhh ... our newest addition!!!!!

Please welcome with us our newest addition to the family !!

The backyard family that is ...... that's right we are the proud new owners of our second garden gnome.

 He looks almost exactly like his brother across the patio! Lets remember:

You know how they get jealous with a new one in the yard!

Sniff ...

 It was just a few weeks ago I wished Ernest "Happy Birthday" !!! Now he is gone .... along with Andy. During my childhood they both had 2 of my favorite TV shows.  Don't know why Ernie never came back to TV. He was well liked as I remember. Andy did a few other shows. Never as good in my opinion so I never watched either. Hubby and I will still watch "The Andy Griffith Show"  on TV Land .... it IS after all a top TV classic. Will never get tired of it.

They say .... who is the "they" that say this by the way? .... death always comes in threes .... I don't want to guess who is next BUT I will say this for the first two of the trio they lived an extraordinarily good long loved life. Peace guys.

IRRITATING CRAP MY HUSBAND DOES ...or the man that better find a job or a hobby or volunteer or an EVERYDAY senior golf league ... a working title

I'm pissed ..... "God Of Organization" is behind it all ... It has been a hot week and I'm the first to admit I can't do all the things out in the sun like I used to! MY PLAN TO GET IT ALL DONE? Do a little at a time everyday when I get home from work:

Sunday - PM -Bring up boxes from basement and put on deck for weed/bush trimmings. Unwrap100 feet of hose and leave to re-water tender seedling plants before I leave for work in the AM.
Monday - Go out at 6 AM to water plants. Where's the hose? Wound up?? ..... who the hell!?!?!?! Have to leave for work, water when I get home. Get home PM, water wilted plants. I'll trim some of the overgrown gardenia bush. Where's the boxes?!?!?!?!? What do you mean it was recycle day?
Tuesday - Unwind woundup 100 feet of hose to water little plants that have perked up a bit. Good  ... There is still a chance for them in this heat.
Wednesday - Oh look boxes but it raining! Good thing, I see the hose is wound up again.
Thursday - GOO sabotages diet but MAKING me ..... yes making me....  go out to a restaurant for dinner! Come home from restaurant unwind 100 feet of hose. Daddy is calling and wants me to come over to do his rent rebate ... ho hum....  the bushes will have to wait.
Friday  - Get home from work, go get boxes from basement. Why are they in the basement if I'm trying to use them .... that's what I'm asking!!!! Hey .... Where's the hose I unwound this morning????
Saturday - AM doing my PE test application and Daddy's final Rebate form .... both have to be postmarked today! PM have to go to a SPIDEY-RIFFIC Party. Too hot to do anything but unwind 100 foot hose and water what's left of plants.
Sunday - Water plants in the AM, plant backup seedling AND PULL WEEDS/CUT BUSHES AND PUT THEM IN SOME OF THE BOXES  .... finally a good yard day!!!!
Monday - AM running late will have to water wilting seedling when I get home BUT the hose is unwound and up by the plants ready to go!!!! PM find that chipmunks have ransacked seedling bed .... of course the hose is no where to be seen and the boxes that WERE on the deck for the bushes I was going to trim this evening .... where else?  ..... in the basement!

It's gonna take more than a hose to put me out!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRR

THE HYPOCRITE’S GUIDE TO HEALTHY

Still on my DASH DIET .... down 16 lbs !!!

THINGS I REALIZED THAT WORK FOR ME THIS WEEK ... Quit eating salad! Yes, you read that right .... QUIT EATING SALAD!!!! I have not had a side salad all week. Side Salads are boring. If you are like me you can not eat a dry salad. You need dressing and your crunchies ...i.e., croutons. CRUNCHIES + DRESSING = ALL YOUR FATS FOR THE DAY!

I 'd rather use my fat allowance in cooking my food/sauce or in the sprinkle cheese I'm going to have to use to make everything taste better. Of course, there is no way around it ...... you have to get your veggies!  This week I took my cup of fresh spinach leaves, threw them in the pan with one quick stir to steam them just as I was done cooking my meal. It was still crunchie .... okay it isn't a nice buttery crouton ..... and had enough flavor from the other food/sauce to cover that "raw" taste  .... apologies to Carol Alt .  

BOO

I am very into the reality TV ghost series.  It started with MTV's "FEAR" .... which was a hit show yet they strangely canceled it ......  then "Scariest Places on Earth" and more recently "Most Haunted" ... always hated when the hostess started screaming when something happened. Missed some of the video evidence. How annoying!!!  ....... "Paranormal State" ... every Monday ..... "Ghost Hunters" ...every Wednesday ..... and "Ghost Adventures" .... every Friday! Ghosts must be a hot commodity because of the many other shows that have cropped up .... Celebrity Ghost Stories, Ghostly Encounters,  My Ghost Story...  but some of them are getting tired. Never "FEAR" SYFY has a new crop starting up these last/next few weeks:

• Haunted Collector ... ok its the second season but for some reason I didn't watch plus the first season was only a few episodes. Makes you want to bag  your collectible antiques! 
• School Spirit ... School hauntings = Sorority ... need I say more! This is spooky but after the first episode I have to ask "WHY DOES NO ONE TURN ON A LIGHT?" 
• Haunted Highway .... this could be fun with Jack Osbourne .... sorry to Jack for his recent diagnosis .......... 

Now I would never knowing go into a haunted location and "investigate" unless ... you guess it ... have it well lighted and an entourage of oh .... maybe ten .... then Ghosties I'll look you. Till then I'll look for you from behind my couch pillows!

Happy Birthday Laurie Metcalf

I wanted to find a pretty picture of her since she always seems to be cast as the homely girl. She's not. She is a little cute actually. Daughters and I got close to her once in New York. She was in the play NOVEMBER on Broadway with Nathan Lane in 2008. I bought the tickets to see this play ... we're more musical fans ..... for Nathan Lane and talked the daughters into going to see it based on that fact. However, Nathan bowed out that matinee in favor of his understudy Richard Kline ... you know .... "Larry" from 3's Co. ......  daughters were like "Who?"!  I felt myself losing the support to see this play fast but turned out it didn't matter. They were more interested in seeing  the scene stealer Laurie Metcalf.

Afterward, daughters wanted to wait  outside the stage door to meet her and they did. She appeared to be a tiny thing and was nice enough to talked to my daughters for a while. The play stunk by the way but, at least we met the best part of it ..... Laurie Metcalf!

THE HYPOCRITE’S GUIDE TO HEALTHY

After almost five months of following my New Year's Resolution and changing my diet over to more healthy eating,  I was at the stand still of a tired old 5 lb weight lost. Ho Hum  ……. I HAD  to get serious …AND I did!!! I found the DASH Diet …. The answer to what I was trying to make-up on my own.  Now I am down another 8 lbs in 8 DAYS!!! YEAH!!!

Things I realized that work for me:

STRUCTURE – I NEED STRUCTURE!!! The diet has to be written down on what I have to eat each meal. I can’t be making up my own stuff: Lemon cooked Salmon w/ a side spinach salad followed by a quart of Baskin Robbins Pralines & Cream didn’t do it. Imagine that!

DON’T WEIGH YOURSELF EVERYDAY – Some days your scale says you lost nothing. Nothing after making yourself eat quinoa.  Losing nothing makes you depress. Being depressed makes you say: “WTH?”  and you go eat a Quart of  Baskin Robbins Pralines & Cream . Weight yourself every other day OR GO LONGER!!! Be delightfully happy with that 1 pound then.

I ordered some daily menu and recipe books ... they better get here soon  ....  I've already figured out the nearest Baskin Robbins is 15 miles away! You would think after a lifetime of dieting I would get better at this!

ANOTHER Old TELEVISION TRADITION GONE ASTRAY

Tonight set your TiVO for Miss USA! Another pageant no one cares about .... hasn't Trump cut his losses on this one yet!  Can you name A Miss USA by the way ....... other than the "girls gone wild" contestants of recent? No? Of course, this pageant never reached the height of popularity that Miss America had ... I can actually name a few of those winners. Oh,  Wait a minute .... Summer Bartholomew Miss USA 197?, close enough ....

Apparently, someone at the Miss USA organization thought it a good idea to go with a "Goddess" theme in the photogenic category. These poor girls! I don't think anyone in the organization knew  where to go with this ... High Fashion .... Hilarious .... Histrionic ..... Ho Hum ....... Hot Mess ..... Or Havarti .... you know CHEESY ... it didn't begin with "H" okay! Remember these are probably their best photos!

THE HIGH FASHION 

or I could see this in Vogue

Miss Georgia

THE HILARIOUS

or Is it about the awkward girl arms or the jewelry sponsor?

 Miss Kentucky

THE HISTRIONIC 

 or the girls that got too serious!

 Miss Montana

 THE HO HUM

or these are 2 different people? I hope I label them right!

Miss Missouri

Miss North Dakota

THE HOT MESS

or what did you do to the stylist before? Maybe you want me to label wrong!

Miss Colorado

Miss Massachusetts

THE HAVARTI

or this is what I expect from a Miss USA goddess

Photo Credits: Photo By Fadil Berisha/Miss Universe L.P., LLLP

IRRITATING CRAP MY HUSBAND DOES ..... or the old creepy guy in the neighborhood w/ the lawn ornaments ... a working title

It is official my G.O.O. is one of them! By one of them I mean an old person who is obsessed with obtaining more yard ….. errrrr … art. It happened slowly ….. almost so I didn’t even notice …… I guess I have to take some of the blame. 15 years ago when Angels were popular, I bought six small garden angels. They all were doing something different … playing the harp, French horn, sitting, standing .. . you get the idea. They were only about six inches tall. You could barely notice them peeking from behind the Hydrangea bushes. Most of them broke over the years and I bought 2 more to peer from the hostas. G.O.O.  …. who barely if ever even steps into the yard …. called them the “creepy angels”.  I'm also guilty of buying some solar lights for around the fire pit that stay with my ethereal theme but, that 's all I swear!

A few years ago when he went on his disability …. kidney issues …. he decided he would be spending more time smelling the roses sitting in yard. Of course, he needed  the soothing sounds of a fountain to accomplish his vision of garden serenity. Not just any fountain would do …. We shopped around the whole summer …. finally he chose/bought a fountain. From there on every time we go near a garden department he was starting to shop for ‘Gnome” statuary and tacky yard balls  ….. he would put it in the cart I would take it out …..  HE GOT ONE PAST ME! SO, there he is my .... FIRST??? ...  yard gnome! 

He stares at me through my kitchen window. Ho hum …. It could have been worse. G.O.O. really wanted to make a homage to his favorite TV show … The Walking Dead …. kinda of like this ………

Now he is talking more gnomes, solar fountains and ponds.  I don’t how he is gonna see it all from the living room couch in the air-conditioned house! I need to hide this picture before he gets anymore creative  ideas ……